she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
