i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
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I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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