woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Enjoy the penises
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
