Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
