I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
