closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
