Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
