So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
