He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
