I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
