So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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