No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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