Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
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we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
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I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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