I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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