You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
