Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
