dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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