i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
