you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
