The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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