You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
