You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
