Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude i'm inner monologue high
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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