Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
