hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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