Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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