I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize