i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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