so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
