So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
