a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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