so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize