she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
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I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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