Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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