Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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