Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
