ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
sex in a hospital.. check
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
