she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
