is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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