I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
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Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
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She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My dad just said "fuck circus"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.