There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
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hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night