If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
