Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.

(650): View more from California

I tried to assassinate the ginger baby

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(432): View more from Texas

So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?

(207): View more from Maine

You need to stop watching Twilight.

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(678): View more from Georgia

you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(708): View more from Illinois

hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today

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(785): View more from Kansas

this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..

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(503): View more from Oregon

I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch

(1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

You were feeding it to the bartender last night

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