if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot