Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
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He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She made me pour olive oil on her.