Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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