Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
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You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
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There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20