so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just google imaged poop.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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