You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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