I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
