so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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