He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize