I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
