There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
