peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
