you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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