I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
