Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
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No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
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No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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