Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.

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  (646): If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over. http://tfl.nu/pts9
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.

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  (520): i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how. http://tfl.nu/qfuo
  Replies (6) Good night (2460) Bad night (707)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina

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  (269): Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina http://tfl.nu/v4ze
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.

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  (304): just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter. http://tfl.nu/doob
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.

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  (414): and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you. http://tfl.nu/lmfo
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.

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  (240): Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them. http://tfl.nu/3lq3
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.

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  (403): She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for. http://tfl.nu/yw8g
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  (626): View more from California

  you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay

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  (626): you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay http://tfl.nu/yxo6
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.

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  (812): Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do. (812): Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this. http://tfl.nu/m912
  Replies (10) Good night (1386) Bad night (501)
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  (949): View more from California

  Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.

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  (949): Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you. http://tfl.nu/q3ie
  Replies (29) Good night (5018) Bad night (802)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity

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  (813): If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity http://tfl.nu/nz31
  Replies (4) Good night (958) Bad night (381)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.

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  (970): Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities. http://tfl.nu/jvs7
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.

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  (+44): You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life. http://tfl.nu/zp27
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.

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  (479): There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell. http://tfl.nu/h1ye
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing

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  (614): i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing http://tfl.nu/j284
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