I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
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I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
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Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.