I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.