those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
