There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
