its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
