I cannot find my penis.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
