My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
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He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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