Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Floor bacon is actually really good
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
