As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
