I didn't shave. On purpose
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
mondays should just be called national damage control day
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
