All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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