Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You smell like stripper and shame
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
