i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so let's talk penis.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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