I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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