My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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