I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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